Friday, 27 June 2014

the glastonbury effect

Glastonbury begins proper today with the usual gloomy weather forecast : expect rain.
and given the usual accuracy of the computer predictions of UK weather this will mean anything from showers to a biblical flood.

So far this year with little or no coverage of music festivals the BBC have obviously been shaping up for a full assault on Glastonbury as the official "get down with the kids" weekend.
And this morning an on-location news reporter was there at first light to remind us what we were missing as they interviewed three hapless campers who'd been hi-jacked on their way to a clear run at festival ablutions.
That now abandoned in the hope that all their mates would be seeing them live on TV, if indeed any of them were awake, they gave us all the much needed scoop at gawd knows what time of the day this was.
The three reporters stooges stood looking slightly dazed as he excitedly quizzed them in turn...
"So who are you looking forward to seeing then?"
A disheveled part Goth girl replied grinning "well er.. you know.. like...
every fink !".
"yes.. thank you.... and how about you, what's going to be the band to look out for?"
A young guy obviously not taking any chances on the possible downturn in the weather is dressed in a bright yellow cagoul and all weather gear as if he's about to take part in a world junior yacht race, nods his approval at the question.
"well er.. er.. Dolly Parton?.. and er...
the drink".
The reporters raised eyebrows betrayed his surprise to learn that Dolly Parton was even at the festival let alone the idea she'd be performing to the likes of plastered yachting scouts.
"and you?" as he pressed on to the third of the happy campers, a sullen looking dude with palid features and wearing a tatty red T-shirt which he's obviously slept in since last Wednesday sparks the interviewers observant eye..
"how about you.. oh.. you look cold" offering up an expression of 'you idiot'.
The dude ignores him.
"what about the headliners then this year? who are you going to see"
The inappropriately dressed one blinks back,
"Well there's Metallica... should be a laff... cuz no body'll know what to do.. cuz it's not their sort of crowd... oh yeah" a grin breaking his motionless face
..and the drink".
The reporter now with the latest festival lowdown dismisses them by simply turning his back..
"And back to you in the studio"

Oh yes we've all learnt much. The music's the last thing we're here for.
The main objective is to get pissed.
Peace and love comes to Glasto once more.

The headliners you'll be missing today (Friday) are Arcade Fire. Metallica (Saturday) Kasabian (Sunday).
By the way Blondie opened Glastonbury and played at the dreaded time of 12.15pm and reportedly didn't move the earth or the clouds because she didn't play all her old hits but added some new material. And as we all know you must never do that. Ever ! . ... for chrissakes.
Anyone with any sense will be at Sonisphere next week where at the very least you'll get to see the spectacle of Gary Numan hold his own against biplane dogfights, the Prodigy, Iron Maiden, and yet again Metallica (who are obviously trying very hard to expand their fan base).